


What Really Matters

by Kiterie



Series: Formspring Drabbles [9]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-25
Updated: 2010-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-27 14:12:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi said it... all of his important people are dead, but are they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Really Matters

It didn't matter. That's what Iruka told himself and he 'almost' believed it. He wasn't dead and Kakashi had said it... 'all' of his important people were dead. Iruka tightened his headband and let out a breath.

"Konohamaru! Get down from there, right this instant unless you want to be scrubbing the academy floors while I grade papers!" Strange how automatic the response was after so many attempts by Naruto to escape. He didn't even have to stop and think up the elaborate threats, they just came out no matter how distracted he really was.

His problem student stuck his tongue out and climbed down from the cabinet that sat directly below a vent. The pre-genin  stalked over to his chair and sat down, loudly.

Normally the sulking would have earned a certain amount of amusement from Iruka and the class but today his mood was so far in the hole that it must have registered with the class and as a result there wasn't a single snicker or smirk in response. Even Hanabi's nearly habitual 'I told you, you'd get caught' was absent.

"It doesn't even matter," Iruka muttered under his breath. He walked around the room, handing out the homework sheets. 'He doesn't matter.' Iruka wanted to believe it, they hadn't said it was anything. They'd been on how many dates? Officially? None. Unofficially? He'd lost count after twenty or so run ins that lead to dinner and eventually somewhere along the line sex. That's all it was apparently and he was glad that he'd never said it, never tried to make it anything else. It wasn't breaking up, if you weren't even dating and you couldn't be heartbroken if you weren't in love. For that matter he wasn't even sure you could even fight about it when it wasn't anything. 

For all he knew Kakashi wasn't even aware he'd overheard him since he'd been doing his best to avoid him. He'd changed the class schedule, moved lunch up an hour early and taken them out for training after. Iruka sat down at his desk and stared at the clock. There was still ten minutes left in the day and it was the one thing he couldn't change. If he let them go early everyone would know something was wrong. The worst part was that if Kakashi wanted to find him it wasn't like it would have been 'that' hard to do so, so maybe he didn't want to find him. As much as it bothered him right then Iruka thought that despite the fact that he was clearly avoiding Kakashi it bothered him that the other hadn't even noticed. It was like a confirmation that he didn't mean anything. It bothered him that it mattered. If he didn't change the last part of his schedule and Kakashi still didn't come to find him...

Iruka closed his eyes, rubbed his temples with his thumbs, and told himself again that it wouldn't matter. Despite his little self-assurances it was all he could do to wait for the bell. Then when it finally rang and the last kid flew out the door he couldn't move. It was as though if he stood up and walked out that door he'd prove himself right...

"Not going to sprint out the door and offer to take mission desk duty or watch duty or just generally find somewhere else to be?"

The voice startled him and he resisted the urge to look up. "Why do you care?" He took another deep, shakey breath, swallowed, and looked up. The fact that he hadn't registered Kakashi's presence until the man had spoken proved exactly how absorbed he was in his own... thoughts.

Kakashi stopped in his approach of the chunin's desk. His half mask and the headband canted over his left eye hid any other reaction to the words.

'Evidently you don't. Did you even know I was mad at you? Is it just now falling into place or are you just confused as to why I would be.' Iruka stared at him, his lips parted, the thoughts on the tip of his tongue. "Forget it, it doesn't matter." He shoved himself away from the desk and picked up his bag. "You're right I should just go find somewhere else to be." Turning, he headed for the door and tried to ignore the dampness of his cheeks and the ache in the pit of his stomach.

"I didn't mean it like it sounded..."

Iruka stiffened, stopped, but didn't turn around. "Exactly how else could you have meant it?"

"I just... I wanted him to understand." Kakashi sighed loudly.

Iruka spun around and stormed towards Kakashi. "What exactly? You wanted him to understand what?" He knew he was yelling, that he was being unreasonable. He knew it and he couldn't stop because it hurt and he'd spent all day trying to pretend it didn't. Iruka threw his hands up in the air then rubbed his palms against his eyes and down his face.

"That we've all lost people, that some of us have lost... everyone we've ever loved. That it hurts and it makes us angry. That he's not alone." He ran a hand through his hair but didn't touch Iruka. "I didn't realize how it might sound. I'm not very good at these kinds of things." Kakashi looked away but didn't move. "I stay because... even though I've lost everyone I thought maybe eventually I'd... find somebody else to..."

"Oh..." Iruka closed his mouth, opened it, then closed it again and looked down. He felt like an idiot for asking but he needed to know if that eventually was still an eventually. Taking another deep breath, Iruka looked up. "Does that mean..." Before he could finish the question Kakashi kissed him. Hand on his cheek, mask down, lips locked firmly against his, and the same intoxicating slow brush of tongue against lips and teeth and his tongue that had lured him into Kakashi's bed in the first place.

When Kakashi finally pulled away it was only just barely. "I thought it was obvious."

Maybe it should have been but Iruka hadn't thought about it until Kakashi had said what he had to Sasuke and he'd realized how it hurt. "It is now."


End file.
